When we get nostalgic, our brains always seem to recall the positive times, the good bits. How clever!
Seriously though, I’m sure if you get nostalgic about something right now – either a whole period like ‘the 80s’ or a single event like a holiday or a concert, you’d wax lyrical about it with a wistful smile on your face.
We often bring ourselves out of this reverie with a sigh and “Ahh good times” as we transport ourselves back into the here and now.
But the chances are those events or times you recalled weren’t full of roses and laughter. Chances are there were some very frustrating moments in there (airport delays), disappointing bits and even sad or angry elements (getting drinks spilled all over your new concert outfit). But our brains tend to filter those parts out and focus on the positive things.
I remember nights out with my friends where I’d have one too many Tia Maria & Cokes (showing my age now!). The reality of the night that followed and the next morning are horrendous – feeling like I was lying on a very fast roundabout when I was actually lying still on my bed (I mean my walls even appeared to be moving!). Thinking my skull would surely explode if I lifted it off the pillow. And sometimes even nausea to the point of hoping I would puke to get some relief! But my brain filters that and remembers the fabulous time I had while I was poisoning my body 😉 Without any thought I play down the wretched part with fleeting understatements like “Oh yeah the next morning was not so good though!” I love how I can feel the positive more strongly than the negative of such a memory – I wonder if it’s because the positive is made of emotions rather than the physical feelings of the negative? I don’t know. I’m just grateful for it 🙂
So what was it about those specific nights out that makes it a good memory for me?
It’s the feeling part of a special, close, tight relationship with my friends. Feeling the bond, the social strength, the similarities in our thinking, the shared humour, the shared interests and passions about certain topics. It’s knowing someone had my back and I had theirs. It’s the confidence in how I looked and feeling that I could hold my own in any conversation I was likely to encounter on those nights out. It’s the newly-discovered independence I was beginning to get. It’s the feeling that I had a long future and I’d be able to achieve anything I wanted.
Our brains don’t have the ability to recall in video-like detail each and every second of our lives and I think it’s wonderful that they choose to filter out the not-so-good bits.
So, if there were these less-than-ideal times within our fave nostalgic moment or era, why are these pushed below the surface in favour of the pleasant memories? In all honesty I don’t know the answer to that – I think a neuro-scientist or leading psychiatrist would be hard pushed to give a definite reason.
But I DO have a great suggestion for how we can use that phenomenon to our advantage.
Let’s look at exactly what was going on in our rosy memory. Let’s try and pinpoint the feelings we had and see if we can figure out what caused them. Then we’re in a good place to be able to re-create that feel good factor. Not necessarily by setting up an exact replica of the event – not sure that would be possible tbh, the people involved will have changed, or may not be in their Earthly bodies anymore. You might even find that doing whatever it was that you remember so fondly doesn’t have the same effect on you anymore (I’m thinking the Octopus at the fair) :0
What’s important is to get to the crux of how you were feeling at the time and what made you feel that way.
Was it that you had a great best friend or group of mates?
Did you feel at your most confident at that time in your life?
Were you achieving a goal or working towards one?
Did you feel in control of your life and who you were?
Were you in love?
Were you fulfilling an ambition?
Did you feel like you didn’t have any heavy responsibilities then?
Maybe you didn’t give two hoots about what people thought about your dancing.
Was your health better than it is now?
It might take a while to really drill down to what it was about that particular time that gives it the positive vibe that you recall. But if you can nail it you might be able to do something to get it back.
For example, if the reason was to do with the social connections you had then, you could try joining a class to meet new friends, make dedicated time to meet up with existing mates or set up a social program at work. All these things would help you to connect with people in a social setting – we all know how different people can be outside of work. And don’t try and hold out for the weekend when, if you’re like my family, kids’ activities take over. My four friends and I have recently started a monthly Monday meet up. Tbh the Monday thing was more by accident as when I first invited them to come to mine one evening that week, one could only do the Monday. And it stuck. What a great way to make a Monday morning a little easier, knowing you’re meeting up with your besties that evening!
If it was because you felt more confident then – ask why you’ve lost that now. And what could you do to regain some of it back? This might be as straight-forward as writing down what you’re good at (don’t be bashful – no-one else will see your list) as a reminder to yourself. Take action on those things one at a time to reinforce your strength. Don’t waste time on your weaker points – build on your strengths.
Learning something new is a great confidence-booster. Check out courses online or in your area for a subject that interests you.
If you feel you’re no longer in control of your life and it’s running you, you’re in good company and there’s a whole heap of things you can do to start righting that balance, my friend:) First thing would be to sign up for my free weekly emails of inspiration and motivation.
Self-care is the best way to get control back in your life 🙂
Just before you go, you might find it fun to see if you can recognise something that might trigger your nostalgic memories. A song or movie soundtrack, a smell or a drink. A lipstick colour (Iced Champink by Avon anyone?). A person who you’re no longer in touch with.
If it’s possible, try to re-ignite that trigger. A song or soundtrack should be pretty easy to do. A smell or drink shouldn’t be too difficult. And how awesome would it be to look up a person from your past who contributed to your wonderful memories. There’s a good chance they might have the same positive recall of the event or time and you may be their trigger – imagine re-living those memories even if it is through social media or digital chat to start with…
I could write for hours on this topic, it’s fun and so blimmin’ interesting. But I’m sure you’re busy and I want you to have time to actually implement the things I suggest above. So go on, carve out 30 minutes for you to do a little digging into your nostalgic moments and use it wisely to make your present a little bit nicer 🙂
Top Image credit: Photo by Volodymyr Hryshchenko on Unsplash