A troubling thought pinging into your head, disturbing what you’re trying to do at that moment, is so frustrating, de-motivating and can cause worry and anxiety.
Everybody has something going on in their life that causes them to worry and often procrastinate dealing with it. Perhaps it’s something you don’t feel like you have the skills to deal with. Maybe you know it’s going to involve a confrontation or cause friction. You might not feel like you have the energy to face it at all.
Like it or not, the chances are that the more you ignore it, the worse it will come back the next time it pops into your head. And it soon feels like it’s bigger than you; stronger than you; controlling you; defining you; taking centre stage in your life.
What can you do to stop those thoughts getting all that strength?
There are three things I’m going to suggest you try.
1. Can you change it?
One of my all-time-favourite passages offers me comfort and relief from many worries. Written by Reinhold Niebuhr, back in the early 1930s, it’s come to be known as the Serenity Prayer. You’ve probably heard it in various forms, but have you really taken on board its advice? It goes like this:
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference”
It’s so powerful! Particularly the first line.
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
What that says to me is, if I can’t change it, let me just accept that and feel the freedom that that brings. There’s absolutely no point in worrying about something that you have no control to change. The situation isn’t going to change by you worrying about it. It’s giving you permission to stop worrying about it.
So my first suggestion is to honestly ask yourself – is it actually something you can change or even influence? If the answer is no, then give yourself permission to accept it and get it off your shoulders. Your amazing energy is needed somewhere else.
Grab my free Serenity Prayer poster here. Slap it on your wall for daily inspiration.
2. Acknowledge the annoying thought
These thoughts intrude our brain at the least convenient moments don’t they? You might be in a work meeting; maybe you’re trying to meditate; or you could be getting stuck into one of my activity worksheets : ) when BAM! it penetrates whatever else has your focus and demands your full attention.
Chances are you won’t be in a space where you’re ready to give it headspace! And it’s the most natural thing to try and bat it right out of your head – banish it to outer space or at least out of your headspace.
Here’s my second suggestion
Let the pesky thought IN (whaaaat??). Give it attention, just for a moment. Immediately this gives you some control. You’re allowing it.
Acknowledge the thought. Actually say (in your head might be the best option if you’re in that work meeting) “I acknowledge you”.
Visualise the thought. What visual form you give it will differ. I try not to attach a ‘real’ image – like a person or place if they are the source of the worry – as it’s just the intrusive thought we’re dealing with at the moment. I tend to have something in an outline, boxed in so it’s contained and can’t grow in size and engulf me.
Again, this is you asserting control over the thought.
Say: “I acknowledge you, but now isn’t the right time. I’ll come back to you later”.
When you first start doing this, it’s hard. It can help to ‘physically push the thought aside’ – raise your hand and really act like you’re calmly and confidently pushing something away (again, maybe not in that work meeting).
You can then give yourself permission to re-focus back on the task in hand. You’re taking the control back. You might need to do it several times while you’re starting out, but it will become easier with practice.
3. Now, play fair
You’ve shown the troubling thought that you’re in charge. You’ve also made a deal that you will come back and address it later. So you really should play fair and try to do that. But on your terms and when you’re ready.
By you deciding when to address the worry, you’re staying in control. You’re facing it head on. You’re knocking on its door instead of the other way round.
Try to break the challenge down. Ask what it is that is worrying you.
Then break down that answer a step further by asking why is that worrying me?
Then again – what is it about that answer that is troubling?
And again and again. But why don’t I like that? So why is that uncomfortable to me?
Eventually you’ll likely end up with a raw emotion. Fear, embarrassment, lack of control, guilt, feeling like a failure…
Now you can start to work on that root cause of your worry. Once you know exactly what it is that’s causing it, you have power over it. Because you can see what you need to do to change it. (Unless, of course, you cannot change it – see number 1 above).
- Do you need to learn a new skill that will give you more confidence or allow you to change jobs?
- Do you need to set some boundaries or say ‘no’ to someone?
- Do you need to apologise to be able to move forward?
- Do you need to have some self-compassion and stop being hard on yourself so you can reset and move forward?
Start small – it’s unlikely that you’ll be able to eliminate the worrisome thing overnight – possible but not likely. Figure out what it is that you need to do to chip away at the problem. Each action you take destroys a bit more of it.
Set incremental goals along the way, write down action points and celebrate each and every time you hit a goal.
“Action is the antidote to despair”
Joan Baez
[Top image: Hello I’m Nik on Unsplash]